When I was about 9 or 10 years old, my mom hauled down a Rubbermaid box to get me some winter clothes--I'd grown out of the ones I had last year. I took a particular liking to a blue sweatshirt with plain yellow embroidery on the front. It said: When the outlook is poor, try the up-look. I didn't really get it, but I liked the color blue, sooo....yeah. Later, when I wore it for the first time, I asked my dad what it meant. I used to ask him questions all the time.
"Well, honey," he said, "that means when things don't look good in front of you, around you, or under you, you look above you." He pointed one finger up at the ceiling. Of course I couldn't resist looking up. Then I just gave him a confused look. "What?"
"You pray."
I was too little to really understand what it meant to pray in times of trouble. Back then was when I thought "trouble" was stealing a handful of cookies from the jar. I thought the worst thing in the world that could happen to me was getting grounded from the TV. And when it came to God, I had the faith of a child. I knew He was there, because the Bible told me so, and that was enough for me.
Little did I know that later on in life I was going to pay a ten-month visit to public school, heartbreak, and betrayal. Walking through those hallways, I felt more alone than I ever had in my life. I couldn't see God in the faces of that crowd of people who didn't care about me. I needed to know He was there. Not just by praying and feeling that He was there; since I'd already discovered the meaning of false love and unfounded hope, I couldn't trust my faith. I needed to know He was there. I needed to see His hand working in the horrible situation I was in. I needed the assurance that this was part of His plan.
I was looking around me, at the people who called themselves my friends. I was looking ahead of me, at the future that school promised me. I was even looking under my feet, at the people who seemed bad. I couldn't see God anywhere. Not anywhere at all. What was I missing? The up look.
I started out this post with the intention of telling you just how God revealed that it was all His plan. But when I got to this paragraph and tried typing it up, I realized that...well, that's something that I should keep to myself. "Treasure it in my heart," like Mary did when she was raising Jesus. I guess all I can say is that up to this very day, God's been showing me, little by little, that He planned all of it. ALL of it. The false friends, the pain, the betrayal, the bad choices that I made; even the little things that seemed insignificant. If those things hadn't have happened, my life would be a lot different now and I would have lost the hopeful part of me. As I sit here today, typing this on a laptop, I realize just how much God's lit up the sky--then, afterwards, and now. And I think He'll keep on lighting up the sky with those amazing fireworks of His.
Trust me, He's there in everything. When I look back on those ten months and try to think of how things could have worked differently, I realize that no matter how terrible it was, I wouldn't have it any other way. I couldn't. And I shouldn't. God's plan for me is in everything that happens and everything I do. He's in the sky, my friends, my family, even this silly little blog. You just have to try the up-look. You have to remember who God is, and look for Him. Nothing is impossible; every little thing happens for a reason. Once you look for Him, you'll see Him. How do I know? Well...maybe that's a story to be told at a later date. But you know I'm not lying.
Little did I know that later on in life I was going to pay a ten-month visit to public school, heartbreak, and betrayal. Walking through those hallways, I felt more alone than I ever had in my life. I couldn't see God in the faces of that crowd of people who didn't care about me. I needed to know He was there. Not just by praying and feeling that He was there; since I'd already discovered the meaning of false love and unfounded hope, I couldn't trust my faith. I needed to know He was there. I needed to see His hand working in the horrible situation I was in. I needed the assurance that this was part of His plan.
I was looking around me, at the people who called themselves my friends. I was looking ahead of me, at the future that school promised me. I was even looking under my feet, at the people who seemed bad. I couldn't see God anywhere. Not anywhere at all. What was I missing? The up look.
I started out this post with the intention of telling you just how God revealed that it was all His plan. But when I got to this paragraph and tried typing it up, I realized that...well, that's something that I should keep to myself. "Treasure it in my heart," like Mary did when she was raising Jesus. I guess all I can say is that up to this very day, God's been showing me, little by little, that He planned all of it. ALL of it. The false friends, the pain, the betrayal, the bad choices that I made; even the little things that seemed insignificant. If those things hadn't have happened, my life would be a lot different now and I would have lost the hopeful part of me. As I sit here today, typing this on a laptop, I realize just how much God's lit up the sky--then, afterwards, and now. And I think He'll keep on lighting up the sky with those amazing fireworks of His.
Trust me, He's there in everything. When I look back on those ten months and try to think of how things could have worked differently, I realize that no matter how terrible it was, I wouldn't have it any other way. I couldn't. And I shouldn't. God's plan for me is in everything that happens and everything I do. He's in the sky, my friends, my family, even this silly little blog. You just have to try the up-look. You have to remember who God is, and look for Him. Nothing is impossible; every little thing happens for a reason. Once you look for Him, you'll see Him. How do I know? Well...maybe that's a story to be told at a later date. But you know I'm not lying.
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